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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Suicide Girls

For those of you that ever had a question as to why I would do it or why I ever left:

The first time I got on SG was back in 2005. The boyfriend that I had at the time was a controlling nutjob. I was feeling really insecure and I needed an outlet to express myself in a sexual way where he wasn't involved.
I decided to leave SG because the aforementioned nutjob was getting pissy and it wasn't worth the hassle.
The second time I got on Suicide Girls was after I had my son. I was desperate for a way to reclaim my body for myself. Not only did Suicide Girls help me to take back my body, it helped me to reclaim my sexuality. SG and the members of SG helped me to become more confident in myself. Not to mention, really helped to increase my sex drive and strengthen my bond with my husband.

When I left Suicide Girls, the second time, it was because I had regained my sense of self. When you're really secure in the way you view yourself sexually, it frees you up to trust your partner more and to be able to explore more with him, especially if he's the one taking the pictures and helping you to feel sexy. Not to say that he wasn't a little happy that I resigned my hopeful status on SG. He was. But, because he let me go on that journey, I now feel that I can trust in him more to be able to let me be who I am.

I have stayed in touch with some of the friends that I made on Suicide Girls. I would never go back and undo the experience that I had. I am a very sexual person. That's part of who I am. To deny that, would be to deny a part of me. It was a liberating and powerful experience. You can judge me for it, but that makes you the bad guy, not me.

So, yes, there are nude pictures of me on the internet. AND, no, I am not ashamed. I don't even plan against taking more nude pictures in the future. It's always an option. I might even sell prints again. My husband is actually quite a talented photographer. When I'm 60 and starting to sag, I would like to look back and see how great I had it at one point.

One day, if my kids ever see them, I will explain what I was feeling and what I was going through. Hopefully they will understand. At the very least they will respect the decision that I made, because I am raising my children to be respectful, compassionate people. It never had an effect on who I was as a mother, because that is a different part of my life.

Be proud of who you are. Even if other people don't understand it.


[Also, don't forget that all of my paintings are 50% off in my shop on my website and all of my novelties(t-shirts, candle holders,etc) are also 50% off in my store on Etsy. I need the capital to start making these dresses!!! (I'm still very excited about it if you can't tell.)]